The Top 10 Reasons Relationships Do Not Work
As a relationship therapist, I often witnessed clients blaming and beating themselves down when their relationship ends, even after enduring a lot of struggles and doing everything in their power to make it work. Although I would like to help each couple walking through my door salvage their relationship, the harsh reality is that not all relationships can be salvaged. There are many reasons why relationships do not work. Here are the most common reasons why relationships come to an end:
Domestic Violence centered around power and control leading to emotional, physical, and psychological abuse
One partner is not fully committed to the relationship and repeatedly offends the other (i.e serial cheater)
Insecure attachment causing trust issues in the relationship
The inability to communicate your needs to your partner leading to resentment
Lack of respect leading to deflecting, blaming, and attacking
One or both partners struggling with addiction and/or untreated past traumatic injuries or other mental health illnesses
Refusing to compromise when confronted with different beliefs or ideology
Not prioritizing your partner above your career, extended family, and/or friends leading to emotional and physical abandonment
Co-dependency where you primarily focus on your partner's needs at the expense of yours with the belief that one day they will meet yours
Fear of communicating about challenging issues or different family stages, such as financial issues, sex, discontentment, children, fertility issues, aging parents, and retirement
As a therapist whenever I come across a couple with any nine out of these ten issues, I typically recommend them to individual therapy to address these issues separately. However, relationships impacted by Domestic Violence are referred out to other programs and services. For such people, couples therapy is not the treatment of choice. By referring them to individual therapy, I guide people towards healing from past issues that are plaguing their current relationships and help them achieve personal growth. Often times the person is not ready and ends up leaving couples therapy or even worse they don’t attend sessions even with their partner’s encouragement. As a result, the existing tension in the relationship elevates and makes divorce or separation seem like a viable option
A piece of friendly advice and not that of a therapist- Relationships are here to help us learn and grow. We attain our highest personal growth through challenges, adversaries, and disappointments. Your inner strengths, resourcefulness, and resilience are what will help you commence new beginnings while being your best self and living your best life. Therapy can be a difficult process, things can get worse before they get better. It demands effort, commitment, time, and money. But most importantly, it can also be a place where feelings are brought up to the surface, new positive behaviors can be learned, compromises can be made, and alternative solutions can be discovered.
If you are ready to work on your relationship, then please call me at 813-606-5683 or email at Lily@counselingforrelationships.com
